For my first year in Nano I had a rough idea of what I wanted to work on, I will admit to the idea being around for a while and it even has the first scene written. (I didn't intend to count those words in my total) But then this afternoon, while in the shower washing my hair of all places, an idea began to unfold in my mind. The further the idea got the more I wanted to run with it, so I sat down to jot some notes. Only it didn't work out that way. The opening just flowed from the end of my pen and as usual I went with the flow. Now my mind keeps jumping forward and I jot a note on a separate page but then I'm back to the beginning and so it goes. The problem I'm having is that the more I write and the more I think up, the more I realise this is big. Bigger than anything I've attempted before. It's scares me to think this has come from me, I know I love to read the big emotional/dramatic stories that have a lot have heartache but always the happily ever after, but I've never felt the urge to write them. All my writing has be geared towards the erotic end of the market, and I know that that doesn't exclude them from having the emotional/dramatic story line, but I've never written that way. This story has the potential to be something I'm not sure I'm qualified to do. The fact that I'm sitting here getting teary and chocked up over what I'm writing and thinking, is enough for me to think, shit! Can I do this? I don't know that I can. But I've never stopped anything from coming out and appearing on paper or screen. So what do I do? Do I go with this for Nano because Nano is about getting words on paper and not quality or do I go back to what I'm used to doing? And why suddenly has this bigger deeper writing shown up? The only thing I can think of is a conversation I had some weeks ago with the lovely Melissa James. She was asking what I writing and then what I read and she actually asked why I didn't write something deeper and more emotional seeing how I love them so much. At this point I'm going the blame/thank her for putting the kernel in my subconscious. There's no other explanation.
As authors we live with the fear of rejection and I guess we live with the fear that the stories will dry up or in my case be to big for us. I'm left with not much choice, even if I don't use this for Nano I'm going to do it anyway. I have to. It's up there swanning around like it runs the joint, pushing aside everyone else and talking the loudest. If I don't listen I risk it getting so loud that nothing else gets through and that brings me back to the dam on my river. Why did I ever think of that? Now every time I think about stopping an idea I have visions of all these bare chested workmen building a wall with all my little people on the other side trying to peer round them while they work. All sweaty and muscles bulging.... Oops, got a little side tracked there.
So back to Nano. Should I work on this new direction? Is it the perfect opportunity to get words on paper to see if this is going some where? Do I go back to what I know? And if I do will I be stuck with this one running round my head screaming, 'pick me, pick me!'.
I'm counting on some advises from the elders in my buddy group, and I'd also like to know what the rest of you virgins think. I'm off to add more words before I need a panadol.
Nothing endures but change. (Heraclitus)