Thursday, October 11, 2007

Change of direction.

For my first year in Nano I had a rough idea of what I wanted to work on, I will admit to the idea being around for a while and it even has the first scene written. (I didn't intend to count those words in my total) But then this afternoon, while in the shower washing my hair of all places, an idea began to unfold in my mind. The further the idea got the more I wanted to run with it, so I sat down to jot some notes. Only it didn't work out that way. The opening just flowed from the end of my pen and as usual I went with the flow. Now my mind keeps jumping forward and I jot a note on a separate page but then I'm back to the beginning and so it goes. The problem I'm having is that the more I write and the more I think up, the more I realise this is big. Bigger than anything I've attempted before. It's scares me to think this has come from me, I know I love to read the big emotional/dramatic stories that have a lot have heartache but always the happily ever after, but I've never felt the urge to write them. All my writing has be geared towards the erotic end of the market, and I know that that doesn't exclude them from having the emotional/dramatic story line, but I've never written that way. This story has the potential to be something I'm not sure I'm qualified to do. The fact that I'm sitting here getting teary and chocked up over what I'm writing and thinking, is enough for me to think, shit! Can I do this? I don't know that I can. But I've never stopped anything from coming out and appearing on paper or screen. So what do I do? Do I go with this for Nano because Nano is about getting words on paper and not quality or do I go back to what I'm used to doing? And why suddenly has this bigger deeper writing shown up? The only thing I can think of is a conversation I had some weeks ago with the lovely Melissa James. She was asking what I writing and then what I read and she actually asked why I didn't write something deeper and more emotional seeing how I love them so much. At this point I'm going the blame/thank her for putting the kernel in my subconscious. There's no other explanation.
As authors we live with the fear of rejection and I guess we live with the fear that the stories will dry up or in my case be to big for us. I'm left with not much choice, even if I don't use this for Nano I'm going to do it anyway. I have to. It's up there swanning around like it runs the joint, pushing aside everyone else and talking the loudest. If I don't listen I risk it getting so loud that nothing else gets through and that brings me back to the dam on my river. Why did I ever think of that? Now every time I think about stopping an idea I have visions of all these bare chested workmen building a wall with all my little people on the other side trying to peer round them while they work. All sweaty and muscles bulging.... Oops, got a little side tracked there.
So back to Nano. Should I work on this new direction? Is it the perfect opportunity to get words on paper to see if this is going some where? Do I go back to what I know? And if I do will I be stuck with this one running round my head screaming, 'pick me, pick me!'.
I'm counting on some advises from the elders in my buddy group, and I'd also like to know what the rest of you virgins think. I'm off to add more words before I need a panadol.

Nothing endures but change. (Heraclitus)



  1. Run with it, Rachel!!! You should definitely write what you love. I write emotional/sensual single titles because that is what I love. One word of warning...when you write emotional scenes, it usually affects your mood. My husband has come home on numerous occasions and asked, "What's wrong?" My reply? "Emma had a really bad day..." I would use this new idea for your writing challenge. This will force you stick with it long enough to see if it is a direction you really want to go toward. I'm happy for you!

  2. Rachel, I'm with Devon on this, use it for the challenge. We will all be there to help you through the rough patches.

    Now you know why I'm doing the 70days of writing sweat as well as NaNo. I have two WIP I need to finish. I was chatting to Ann (a friend) earlier tonight and she asked how I went writing two stories at once, my answer was I go with who ever is chatting the loudest, I don't get a say in it, and you my dear friend won't either, they will just keep going until you give in. Might as well go peacefully. Good luck. I'm just a key pad away if you need to chat.

  3. Thank you both for making me feel better. Even if you can't fix my problem you can share it with me and that's the most that I could ask for.

  4. I'm going to answer your question from a different perspective. I've done a lot of study (scientific and otherwise) on how the mind works cos it's something that interests me.

    Your conscious mind is a gateway to your subconscious. The conscious mind makes the decisions, knows right from wrong, asks questions and has desires. However the creativity actually resides in your subconscious (this is why we seem to get our ideas in the shower -- when we relax we temporarily turned off the decision making process and open the gateway).

    One of the things the subconscious mind does, is the bidding of the conscious mind. The conscious mind will ask the questions and the subconscious mind comes up with the answer. The subconscious doesn't know right or wrong. (By the way, that's why you should always ask yourself a quality, empowering question -- the subconscious always has an answer)

    Your subconscious pays more attention if there is feeling or emotion involved (excitement, fear, love etc..). In your case, your conscious asked mind the question "why don't I write big emotional stories since I love them so much?" and your subconscious mind came back with an answer "here it is".

    That's a gift that you should use.

    I can understand the fear. It's only fear of the unknown. Fear can have the same characteristics as excitement. Feel that knot in your stomach (or wherever is it you feel fear) and turn it into excitement of the unknown.

    Focus on the story, ask your subconscious mind what happens next, and trust that it will come back with an answer.

    Trust is the hardest part of it all, even though I have just told you this is how the brain naturally works.

    Suzy (I hope I haven't put you to sleep)

  5. I say GO FOR IT RACH!! Ás unpublished writers it's sometimes hard to get past the feeling of 'not being good enough' to do something, but if you don't get past it, you never will be.

    Good luck.

  6. Go for it! The story is begging to be told, and Nano is a perfect opportunity to get the first draft on paper. I've learned to trust my subconscious - just do it!